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Fifty Ways to Change the Movie
by Tony Fabris
to the tune of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon
(c) 2004 Tony Fabris
"My vision was too big for its time," he said to me,
"there were too many limits technologically.
I've got this burning need to fix my trilogy.
There must be... fifty ways to change my movie."
I said, "I don't think that's a good idea, dude.
Furthermore, all of your loyal fans will think they're getting screwed.
But I'll concede your point, 'cause no one ever disagrees with *you*,
there must be... fifty ways to change your movie.
Fifty ways to change your movie."
Ya just clean up the mattes, Pat
Make a new song, John
Then ya add some more bots, Dot
Ya just do as I say
The speeder gets fixed, Rick
I think we need a new sound mix!
Just add a launch bay, Kay
You just do it my way
Ooo, step on his tail, Gail
Max Rebo's new band, Stan
Add some blue to Artoo, Stu
Don't ask yourself why
Add a new slave, Dave
The planets need a new shockwave!
More ships in the sky, Guy
Kiss the old films goodbye
I said, "those changes are too goofy and arcane.
And I must say... showing Greedo shooting first is really lame."
He said, "You're wrong about that... Han can't seem inhumane,
at least not nowadays."
And then he ordered me to start the work that night,
And I suppose it could be worse, he could remake them all outright.
Y'know it's too bad... ILM can't fix the fact that he can't *write*,
I guess there's... fifty ways to change the movie.
Fifty ways to change the movie.
Ya just clean up the mattes, Pat
Make a new song, John
Then ya add some more bots, Dot
Ya just do as I say
The speeder gets fixed, Rick
I think we need a new sound mix!
Just add a launch bay, Kay
You just do it my way
Ooo, step on his tail, Gail
Max Rebo's new band, Stan
Add some blue to Artoo, Stu
Don't ask yourself why
Add a new slave, Dave
The planets need a new shockwave!
More ships in the sky, Guy
Kiss the old films goodbye
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