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Chip Wonder by Tony Fabris to the tune of "Boy Wonder", by Carla Ulbrich (c) 2002 Tony Fabris It was 1981 when I burst upon the scene, with my promise of a new world, of an office paper-free. With just 16k of mem'ry, and a 5-inch floppy drive, and my Big Blue Iron heritage, the future had arrived. I'm the chip wonder, you all know my name. I'm the PC wonder, with a 4 megahertz brain. They talk about chip wonder, productivity I'll bring. But I'm the chip wonder, I can't really do a thing. Beebeep beebeep... In '84, the world watched my ad on Superbowl 18, I had a mouse, a 3-inch floppy, and a high rez graphic screen. Words like WYSIWYG and GUI went into the lexicon, and 'cause I was so user-friendly, imitations I would spawn. I'm the chip wonder, you all know my name. I'm the Mac wonder, with an 8 megahertz brain. They talk about chip wonder, productivity I'll bring. But I'm the chip wonder, and I still can't do a thing. Beebeep beebeep... Beebeep beebeep... In the '90s we got Windows and the Gates monopoly. I just kept on getting faster, my speed doubled annually. Though this exponential growth was matched in storage and in RAM, speed alone can't compensate for Bill's Big Master Scam: The big Blue Screen of Death, and the File/Save that fails. Printer drivers crashing, applications run like snails. Page fault error boxes, system takes a year to boot. Have to close most programs with a three-finger-salute. System won't shut down, and the popup ads won't quit. I'm a thousand times faster, but I still run like shit. So you've wasted all my power running bloated software code, And then once or twice a year you have to format and reload. Now you're all still spending thousands on your upgrades even though it takes as long to type a memo as it did twenty years ago. I'm the chip wonder, look what I became: A tool for some Seattle prep-school geek to yank your chain. I bring you nothing more than an old typewriter would bring. Yeah I'm the chip wonder, and I never did a thing. Beebeep beebeep... |
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